The Thorn that pierced me early.....

In my first book "The Struggle Within..My Sharpest Thorn" on page 3. I speak about my desires/feelings that I begin to have for a female in the second grade and then also going through a period of molestation at the same time. I honestly didn't understand the feelings that I was having or even why I was having them. I knew that when I saw a certain type of woman I would get this unexplainable feeling in my body. I didn't know why but what I knew was that it should not have been there. It wasn't until I got older is when I realized that I had gone through mommy issues where I lacked the attention and love that I desired to receive from my mom. No, I am not saying that my mom was a bad mom. She did what she could do as a teenage mother and what she thought was best for me at the time. We will talk about that later. Back to the topic. I felt like I was born like this and the reason was that how could I develop a feeling that wasn't learned? How could I have an attraction to the same sex that originally should not have been there when God made Adam and from Adam came Eve? I begin to question God when I was in high school when I continued to have these feelings that I was trying to fight on my own and still not understanding why these feelings were here if they weren't supposed to be. During this process, throughout the years I would write out my feelings concerning this because as I grew up in church and begin to have my own relationship with God. I begin to ask God "If these feelings are not supposed to be why do I keep having them and why is it so hard for me to shake?" One scripture that I would be reminded of was Jeremiah 1:5b " Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;" So this part of the scripture gave me a little bit of relief because He knew that I was going to go through some trials in my life before I was even thought about and that they way for me was already prepared. However, it still bothered me that something that was not right was going on with me and many others that may be feeling the same way. And many others still question God the way I did and even still do sometimes because there are people out there that is truly fighting for their life during this walk. So, here is the thing. Your "thorn" may not be like my "thorn" but you must know that whatever your thorn is the word of God says in 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast your cares upon Him (the Lord) for He cares for you." In our daily walk with God, we have to give to Him in every area of our lives. We must admit and be honest not only to God but to ourselves that we are struggling and that we need HIS help. We cannot combat this on our own. God is truly concerned about our well-being and He truly wants us to be set free. We do not have to fight on our own strength. God will not only help you but He will fight for you. We have to be strong and courageous in the Lord. But one of the important things that we must do is SUBMIT to God. When we submit we are surrendering our will to Him and HIS WILL His perfect Will. That "thorn" that you are feeling that you can't shake give it to God and He will help you be content with it. He will help you remain humble and not be conceited with it. He will help you even in your weakness because God is made strong in it. According to 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." then later on in the passage, it says, " I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am made strong." Only God's power can help us be effective in our walk with Him. We have to learn not to do God's work but allow the word of God to do the work on the inside of us. In my closing, I just want to encourage you to take the time out to talk to God and write down what you may be struggling with. That "thorn" just seems to try to keep you in a bound place. That tries to make you feel like you are inadequate and that God doesn't love you and that he is not here to help you. Be honest with yourself and be honest with God. Whatever it is release it to God and allow Him and only Him to order your steps concerning it. Now, Lord, we thank You for what You are going to do in these Your people's lives we thank You that Your Grace is sufficient for us and that You and You alone will guide us and help us along this journey. We surrender unto you everything that is not like you or of you and we ask that you will create in us a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us. We thank you for being Lord over us. We thank you for your delivering power and we thank you for your Love, your forgiveness, and for your grace in Jesus's Name we pray Amen!

~Shronda Y Allen